Why is it again that I said last week I wouldn’t do any more of this all-nighter crap? Oh yeah – because of the way I feel right now. Ugh…

I’ve just come to a startling revelation – I can’t eat tacos if I have a hood on. No, I’m not a B/D freak – I’m talking sweatshirt hood here, you sickos. I’ve also discovered that if you have your eyedrops in the pocket of your pocket T and you put a hooded sweatshirt on, it’s pretty tough to get said eyedrops back out. The perils of Dry Eye Syndrome. Feel my pain.

Oh my God, it just keeps getting better and better. Why do I get the feeling that both of these pictures were taken in Sacramento in the past week?

Guess who’s on track to get NO work done tonight.

Sometimes, it is absolutely, positively astounding what you can find on the web nowadays. A good deal of it has the ability to make me chortle for hours. Ah, Starbuck. I had wondered where you went. And to think – I could go on a cruise with him! And if that little site doesn’t make you laugh (and if not, you’re a pretty humorless bastard – just read the URL for goshsakes) check out the picture for his entry in the IMDb. Be still, my lungs.

What a messed up day. Several things didn’t go right and traffic was even more idiotic on the drive home than it was on the way to work. I’m starting to see where those nutjobs up in Sacramento were coming from.

Speaking of nutjob, I had a nice little forty minute monologue from one of our glorious city’s crazy homeless. Lucky me, he caught me just as I was getting in my car where I usually park. Didn’t want to piss him off and bring down divine retribution on my car (he told me he was an angel) so I sat there an humored him. It was quite humorous for awhile, then just got tiring. Let’s see what I can remember from “The Life of a Rebel”, apparently the title of his memoirs.

First off, he was killed in a car wreck a few years back. Being the angel that he is/has become, he took the money he got from being killed (somewhere between $2000 and $36,000 depending upon which point in the story he had reached) and bought his friend’s dead mother a tombstone. Of course, thanks to “caramel” (you know, everything that goes around, comes around with a sweet candy coating) or perhaps from the spirit of his friend’s dead mother (both theories were presented) he was able to eventually buy a $17,000 Harley he wanted for $6000 cash. And boy can he ride Harleys – wheelies, standing on the seat, starting it – you name it, he does it.

So let’s see, he’s an angel, I’m an angel because I’m nodding at the right bits… oh, women are the devil. Well, not necessarily the devil, but certainly filled with the devil. He’s 50 years old and has been married at least once before. He has a 29 year old son and a father who’s either 54 or (after hurried calculation) 70. His wife cheated on him once, so he left her because “you can always tell.” Of course this was a few years after she left him at a bar and to prove a point to her, he “fucked” (his angelic terminology – I would’ve used the saintly “boinked”) three women at the same time from a Friday night through Sunday night, in which he “did everything,” which I’m sure meant some sort of religious purification ritual. Naturally, she made him do it. My thoughts exactly. Why isn’t this guy running for President?

Women have the devil in them, and as if to prove a point, God sent one past us at that point, so he could turn around and bless her with his words – “Hey baby, how you doin’?” After getting no response (other than a slightly quicker step), he confided in me that she was avoiding him because of the devil in her, personified by appointments and cellphones (I started wandering a bit here – I think it was the whiskey fumes). ‘Cause he could pick her up, take her out and wine her and dine her (he also used the word “bone” at this point, as if sent from Above) but he would just wind up dumping her because she wasn’t a nice person.

He’s a Vietnam Vet (here we go) and either teaches kids kickboxing at the YMCA (at which point he shows me a frightening looking calf. Leg muscle, not bovine) or works at Amtrak or is some kind of construction worker. I have GOT to start carrying a tape recorder with me. Upon telling him that I really needed to be getting along to the optometrist’s, he healed my vision with a prayer (oh yeah, he’s Navajo too) and said he’d know it worked when later on in the day his vision went blurry. My guess is, he must heal a lot of people’s vision.

That’s it, tomorrow I’m making an appointment with the dermatologist to get this “sucker” birthmark dermabrased off my forehead.

Oh crap. Crapcrapcrap. Craaaaaapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

So I’m doing some random surfing here and it’s finally hit me: most people’s sites suck. If most of them suck, then that means there’s an above average chance that mine does/will. Oh geez. Well, at least it’ll be purty.

Oh, in other news, the site re-design is going rather slowly. In typical Moondoggie ADD fashion, I’ve managed to pile an almost insurMOUNTable amount of learning on my plate. I’ve gone from “I want the site to look different” to “I want the site to look different. And be easier to update. And be organized differently. Maybe a whole new theme.” So now I’m teaching myself Flash and Dreamweaver in addition to my stumbling through CSS and re-learning the JavaScript lodged in my rusty old brain. Oh, and ASP. I think that’s it though. For now.

This should be quite the experience, assuming I get this off the ground. I’ve taken the first steps though – I’ve bought books. Whoooeeeeee doggie!

In the interest of my sanity (and I’m sure this could apply to others as well), I propose that a short physics class is given in addition to the standard driving instruction around here. Wait a minute. I’m not from California originally – is there actually some kind of mandatory driving instruction here? I seem to remember fuming behind a driver’s ed car, but judging from people’s driving habits you wouldn’t think classes exist for that sort of thing.

Anyways, a good portion of the drivers around here could benefit from a basic grounding in physics. Namely problems such as “If I’m travelling at a speed of 25 mph and decide to move into a lane occupied by a car 20 yards behind me going 65 mph, how far into the next county is this car going to propel me?”

Perhaps I’m wrong. It might just be a matter of not looking in mirrors. Not looking behind them. Not thinking. Ooo! Maybe they’re all out to get me! That’s always a possibility. Or perhaps I’m driving just fast enough to send my car out of the visible spectrum. It’s not my fault that I only feel comfortable when I’m 20 mph over the speed limit.

Whaddaya know? He’s back! Sorta. Life’s been kinda crazy as of late. Looking at my blog, apparently “as of late” is approximately equal to one year. Go figure. So much has happened since the next post, I’m not even going to bother updating you – you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself.

Oh donchoo worry yore purty little haid. I’ll get around to updating everything eventually. In the meantime, my posting’ll be rather spotty as I’m trying to come up with a new design for the site. And I know I’ve said it a million times before (well okay, maybe five times, ten at the outside) – this time, there’ll be CONTENT!!

Or at the very least, some pretty pictures.

Not much time to post for the past few days – imagine that, they have me working. I finished off the bag of M&Ms a couple of days ago due to exceedingly strenuous moderation on my part, so today I hit the machine again. I’m thinking about swinging by Costco & gettin’ El Bag-o Grande de M&M’s, so stay tuned. Of course, if I do, who knows how long it’ll take me to count ’em. In the meantime, here’s 75 cents worth for today:

7 Green
7 Yellow
5 Red
4 Brown
3 Orange
2 Blue

28 Total

Today’s batch was 17.86% cancerous, which could actually be quite higher since they all tasted rather stale for some reason.